Coming home grumpy? Try these two things.

After a long day at work and perhaps a bit of a commute, most people look forward to coming home and, where relevant, reconnecting with family. However, over the years, many people have told me that navigating domestic re-entry can be challenging. 

The usual story is that within a few seconds of crossing the threshold, they find themselves making a big deal out of something that is not that important in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps, there's a sports bag dumped in the hallway or general untidiness. Or maybe they may make their way to the kitchen and discover, horror of horrors, the dishwasher that they loaded and put on the night before remains unloaded. Before long, someone can find themselves 'lobbing verbal grenades' and creating considerable disharmony in the home.

If this sounds like you, even some of the time, here are two things that experience tells me usually help:

1. DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET TOO HUNGRY

When we get hungry, particularly when blood sugar levels drop, this can trigger the stress response and ramp up the production of an 'excitatory neurotransmitter' called 'glutamate' in the brain. Usually, these effects leave someone on a shorter fuse (the term 'hangry' - a fusion of hungry and angry – is a perfect descriptor, here).

Low blood sugar can also reduce self-control, increasing the likelihood that we will act impulsively.

My experience is that when people manage their appetite before coming home, they are much less likely to fall foul of these issues. 

Nuts are generally a good 'on the go' snack, as they tend to do a good job of sating the appetite, sometimes for an extended period of time. This, by the way, is quite distinct from fruit (the oft-recommended snack), which most people find does a little or nothing to quell the appetite in a meaningful way.

2. LOSE EXPECTATION AND SHIFT YOUR FOCUS

Another common feature of re-entry disharmony is having expectations about how things should be at home. If we have a firm idea about things like sports bag placement and dishwasher management, we are increasing our chances of being displeased. 

An approach that tends to work better is to, before walking through the door, make a mental note of what is truly important. Maybe, for instance, we can shift our attention from what might normally irritate us to something else, like the wellbeing and contentment of family members. Or some good things that happened during the day. Or your dog if you have one (who doesn't care about the dishwasher or how the cushions are arranged).

WHAT WORKS

Not allowing ourselves to get too hungry and focusing on what's truly important usually helps us bring our best selves back home at the end of the day. I've lost count of the number of times people have told me how these simple tactics have vastly improved the version of themselves they bring home, as well as the general atmosphere on re-entry.